Vegas Vampires
On many occasions I try and hunt down the worst movies I can find on television. I have found some pretty bad movies but "Vegas Vampires" takes the cake.
Some movies go out of their way to capture a spectacular event using one camera without a cut. Take "Children of Men" for example. They have an entire 5 minute scene with 100's of extras orchestrated to produce one of the most impressive "One Take" scenes I've ever scene (ha ha get it... phew). Vegas Vampires is impressive in the way that EVERY scene is a "One Take".
Clearly it's a monster pic, so you're expecting something disturbing and scary. VV (as it's friends like to call it) delivers disturbing... but not in the way you think. I'm not sure if it was the dopey vampire dance or the incredibly crap script that I found scarier.
Another plus was the horrible* acting. Lines like "I'm your wife now" and "what the f**k" delivered with the passion of a socially inept wine cork with a bad lisp on Prozak. The good thing is that the plot was brilliant...wait...what? Unfortunately this too, had the consistency of a wet blanket. Just in case you were confused lines like "He must be a creature of the night" are repeated multiple times. Awesome, thanks!
Attention to detail is fantastic. It seems that Vampires can be killed using bullets, unless they are on the street. In which case you need to use a form of Karate with a lot of yelping and whooping.
One has to commend the set design. One scene included a binder and a pot plant; the plant being possibly the best actor in the entire production. Another notable feature of this film is the fake teeth. Apparently vampires have a serious overbite problem, so much so that only a couple of them can actually talk (the others are dancing around triangles). An orthodontists dream species.
What was the saving grace of the entire movie, you may ask? Well that depends. If you like boobs then I guess those. If not, then when the movie ends. Watch out for Navy SEAL Ninja Nun and the riot police.
* Did I say horrible? I meant awful, dreadful ... more synonyms here.
Some movies go out of their way to capture a spectacular event using one camera without a cut. Take "Children of Men" for example. They have an entire 5 minute scene with 100's of extras orchestrated to produce one of the most impressive "One Take" scenes I've ever scene (ha ha get it... phew). Vegas Vampires is impressive in the way that EVERY scene is a "One Take".
Clearly it's a monster pic, so you're expecting something disturbing and scary. VV (as it's friends like to call it) delivers disturbing... but not in the way you think. I'm not sure if it was the dopey vampire dance or the incredibly crap script that I found scarier.
Another plus was the horrible* acting. Lines like "I'm your wife now" and "what the f**k" delivered with the passion of a socially inept wine cork with a bad lisp on Prozak. The good thing is that the plot was brilliant...wait...what? Unfortunately this too, had the consistency of a wet blanket. Just in case you were confused lines like "He must be a creature of the night" are repeated multiple times. Awesome, thanks!
Attention to detail is fantastic. It seems that Vampires can be killed using bullets, unless they are on the street. In which case you need to use a form of Karate with a lot of yelping and whooping.
One has to commend the set design. One scene included a binder and a pot plant; the plant being possibly the best actor in the entire production. Another notable feature of this film is the fake teeth. Apparently vampires have a serious overbite problem, so much so that only a couple of them can actually talk (the others are dancing around triangles). An orthodontists dream species.
What was the saving grace of the entire movie, you may ask? Well that depends. If you like boobs then I guess those. If not, then when the movie ends. Watch out for Navy SEAL Ninja Nun and the riot police.
* Did I say horrible? I meant awful, dreadful ... more synonyms here.
posted by Alex Charalambides | 6:07 PM
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1 comments
